Writing Wedding Vows

Updated: Dec 13, 2020


These two questions are prevalent when planning your wedding ceremony. As I stated in the previous blog, the exchange of vows is the center of the wedding ceremony; so, it is the heart and soul of your wedding. Most people want vows that speak about the deep love they share and hopes for the future.


Should You Write Your Own Vows

You should if you want your wedding vows to be personal and intimate. Traditional vows touch upon these truths of for richer and poorer, for better and worse, in a generic and impersonal way.


Every time I hear vows, I get a little teary because I feel the sentiment from my own experience when I stated my vows to my beautiful wife, Michelle. I had a rush of emotion that built up to the wedding. It came out at the moment we exchanged our vows. So that being said, how on earth is it possible to tell all those emotions in a vow? Here is a method I have used to assist couples in writing their own vows.


How Do You Write Your Own Vows?

Sit down, reflect, then write, or if you prefer, type. Personally, I recommend writing. There is something very creative when a pen/pencil hits the paper. This step is about getting in touch with your ideas, feelings, emotions, dreams, and hopes. So, take a pen/pencil and a pad of paper and sit down in a quiet place. Turn the gadgets off. At first, just reflect upon your relationship, reflect upon the past. Think about the future and take a moment to remember; it's almost a type of meditation. Often it helps to close your eyes, breathe in and out, reflect. You will find that words and phrases pop up in your mind. Don't write anything down. I recommend you think/meditate for at least 10 minutes.

Now, write down any and all thoughts, words, and phrases. Do not worry about an order when writing down your thoughts. This is just a brainstorming session. Write down as much as you can recall. Take a break and get distracted with something fun for 30 minutes. Then, repeat the above step of reflection and writing. After you have written the second time, do a little categorizing into past, present, and future. Which thoughts/feelings are about the past? Which thoughts/feelings are about the present? Which thoughts/feelings are about the future? You have a fantastic outline for your vows.

The next step is editing. Edit the words and phrases to include the most essential thoughts. Throw out the words and phrases that do not seem as important or appropriate to share with guests like Auntie Sally and Uncle Hank. Do not worry about length; your vows can be two or three sentences or two or three paragraphs. Now string the words together to form complete sentences, and be sure to include a few things. Number one is the person's name. Who are you addressing? Believe it or not, many people do not say their fiancé’s name. Second, be sure you say, “I love you!” Add your feelings from the past, how you feel about them as your life partner, and finally, include your promises and hopes for the future. After this, you almost have your vows written. Put the paper down and let it sit overnight. This allows it to sink into your subconscious. The following day revise it, check the structure, grammar, etc.

After you revise it, ask someone to give feedback. (This should not be your Fiancé.) Maybe your officiant or minister can provide feedback. I understand that this is personal; you are sharing intimate feelings and ideas. Be sure it's someone that you trust and ask them to be gentle. After you receive their feedback, make only the changes you are comfortable making.

In conclusion, vows are personal, the heart of the ceremony, and the deepest expression of yourself to your beloved. If you're writing your own, they should include a little bit of where you have been, where you are, and your promises for the future. You can add how you will share yourself selflessly and how you will love and care for them, no matter what. When writing, take your time, come back to it a couple of times, let it ferment and grow like your love already has.

Get Started With Brey & Co.

At Brey & Co., we make your wedding process easy while keeping it chic and stress-free. We offer many services for small weddings to fit your needs such as premarital counseling and wedding officiants.


Contact our wedding experts today. We would love to hear from you and offer advice on how to have a small wedding.



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